my inner battle,

I don't understand why people struggle so hard to defend things, then deny them when you confront them about it. I'll admit, I do it too. I can't sit and say I don't, Maybe it's a human thing. I wouldn't consider myself human.
"Peter, you will deny me three times before the rooster crows".
It's not something that you can just shout out there. I know you can't say you're a good Catholic, and try to combine other religions in there too, but sometimes I feel that I want to look at different ones. I can't help being interested in witchcraft, Ouija Boards, Tarot cards and mystical energy using. I know the Church forbids these things but it comes from my mother, who is a big influence on my life. I feel like two parts of my life are always struggling to claim me. The part where I'm very Catholic, religious extremist almost, and the part where I can't help but wonder if there IS God, Jesus, and others? I believe it, however like anybody, I have my doubts.
But in the end, Can I live my life saying to others "I tried my best"?
Or is, what I'm achieving and doing, my best?

Peace.